| lundi, novembre 20, 2006 |
| Balance shall be restored one day... |
Ughh I tried avoiding posting about it as much as I could as I felt it didn't belong in my blog and unlike my ex's little darling as I like to call her, I'm not an attention-craved b****. ( and the worst it's that it's my ex's cousin that said that about her; I'm just doing like her, basing my assumptions about her from other people heh)
Even if my friends ( and the therapist) told me to not read her blog because it would not do me any good to get upset over this, I just feel compelled to do so but, as I have a great sense of justice, I hate seeing myself described or depicted as some kind of monster who "has hurted a lot" my ex. That's freaking bullshit and the worse is that she probably knows it and writes these little comments to make me angry. Well you know what hon? It works, but know this, this will be the last time I read your blog with hypocrit comments and lies.
First, I don't know what my ex smoked when he told "his story" about us but since, half of the time he never understood properly what people were telling him and kept misinterpreting things, well I'm not suprised that he told things I have never said or even did to him.
Second, if telling someone to stop moping around and take control of his life and responsibilities is "hurting someone a lot" then I'm not sure which planet these people live on. Yes, we had our ups and downs but let me tell you something; 6 years ago when we met, we started dating after TWO days. He went too fast with our relationship and it was my biggest mistake to have let this go on. In my head, when I met him, it was never my intent to actually "date him". I was already disgusted by love and relationships that I didn't want to start a new one at the moment but seeing the situation after he kissed me, I said to myself "well why not?". I mean even for him, how the hell can you tell you love someone after two days. ( I know I know some of you will say love at first sight but god knows those things rarely happen ok and he, himself fell in love with pretty much every girl he met either in real life or on Internet- yes it's sad like that. He doesn't know what love is.). He never had any really serious girlfriends before me( and well you can also figure out what he didn't had before he met me).
So, it started slowly over the days, the weeks, the months and then time went really fast. I did broke up with him 3 years ago ( and sadly I don't even remember why I did, but I believe it was because I didn't love him as much as I used to, also there was this girl he was dating at the same time on Internet until he found out she wasn't what she told him she was- she was like 40 something ^^; ). This is one of the moments which i could guess would have "hurted him a lot" but then again, I'm the one that came back to him as he didn't seem to care much for our relationship back then either.
And then, there was the video game phase which took the next three years out of our relationship. I already liked video games but I never thought this would grow into an addiction and totally destroy my life and our relationship. We were like in a bubble barely going out and most of the time, he refused to do something when I was proposing stuff to do. But you know, it's just like a drug addict yelling at the drug dealer for having introduced him to drugs. The dealer knows the person's weakness but then again, the person having the addiction should have enough will power to not let the situation degenerate.
For all those 6 years, I thought for 2, I cried for 2, I did chores for 2, I payed for 2 ( and so did he recently for me so we're even on that). His family trusted me with all the things related to him because he was so irresponsible. I was the one that thought of gifts for his family's b-days and reminded him that we should go visit his parents. I tried keeping this relationship together thinking one day he might realize how much he had neglected our love, our passion, our common interests but like the metaphor of the old video game console I used, he just threw me out once a new model that was similar to the old one came out with a few upgrades, instead of trying to fix the old console.
But you see now, I did too much for him when I shouldn't had too. Now, he's trying to be a smart ass and tries to prove to his new love that he's capable to be responsible but you'll see in a year, he will be back the same way he used to be after "the honeymoon period" as I like to call it. Unfortunately, people don't change or barely so, if she thinks she traded " her obnoxious little ex" for a better man ( lol she dares calls him a man, that makes me laugh), she is sadly mistaken. (also funny how she said she didn't know how I could endure him, how he was weak,etc, etc :well you will get your answers soon hon oh you will ^^).
So there you have it. I could write more about his but my thoughts are a bit scrambled in my head at the moment and I need sleep. People always thought of my ex like the sweetest guy ever but there's a lot of things I didn't write and if people knew about this, you'll see how people can hide their true selves but hey, if they want to bathe in their hypocrisy and their lies, it's their problem now not mine. Some people ranged behind them (his cousin) and some people stayed neutral ( his sister and his good friend).
It may go extremely well for them in all the aspects of their life but in general, balance rules out so when they will fall... well it will hurt them more. Karma always gets back to you, they could've made this easier by not lying and plotting to make me look like a monster but because of that, life will come back and get them one day . As for me, I'm free of all this now and the angel will fly again and balance will be restored one day. A new love( in fact 3 of them ^^; - I guess news spread fast) is on the process of blooming for me as well, so I shall not let people spreading petty lies about me get to me and will finally be able to move on with my life.
I try though not to be sad about not staying friends with him as I told myself that if he truly believes what she's telling him about me and that his own memories are quite unclear and unstable then he does not deserve my friendship, my respect and even less my trust. I did love him during our relationship and I did appreciate him and some of the beautiful moments we had. I'm posting about the bad things, but there was sunshine through the rain too. He had been not only my lover but my best friend too, but this all went down the drain now that he has forgotten all those good memories we shared together.
If we would've only parted because there was no more love and just friendship between us, it would've been just fine because it was true, but with all the lies, the backstabbing and the things they did to make this situation worse without even questioning themselves if what they did was ok and well, as long as he stays friends/lovers with this girl( and since they're coworkers well even more tough luck) then I don't see me making the first steps to be friends with him again because I can't stand seeing him being manipulated like that. I know that once he really gets a grip on his life and realizes all his mistakes and the good things in his life that he will find a girl someday better than me and certainly better than her because deep inside I just wish him happiness because as a faraway friend now I still care for his well-being ( after the fall I mentionned earlier in the post of course ^^;).
Oh and for the record, I'm not saying I don't have my own share to blame for this but it's more that some of the things he said are untrue for some parts. No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. I made some too, but unlike him, I took responsability for them and shall try not to repeat them again. Like my best friend said, if this has happened to you, it's because it was meant to happen and life was trying to teach you something and she is absolutely right.
This is my first and last post on the subject. Stay tuned for the regular programming of happy thoughts in the next few days/weeks.
"To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved" -Georges MacDonald.
Good night folks and stay safe.
Yours truly,
Fel
Song of the day : Headspin by Rise Electric |
soufflé par Feloisa @ 11/20/2006  |
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Name: Feloisa
Home: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
About Me: Jeune femme désillusionnée par l'amour, timide, mystérieuse, curieuse et passionnée.
Contact:
MSN luna_667[at]hotmail[dot]com
Gtalk
mariefrancemorin[a]gmail[dot]com
I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge -- myth is more potent than history -- dreams are more powerful than facts -- hope always triumphs over experience -- laughter is the cure for grief -- love is stronger than death. -Robert Fulghum, The Storyteller's Creed
Qui suis-je vraiment?
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